I started this blog almost five years ago. It is amazing to me how much things change and how different things are in my life than they were five years ago. To say that I am not the person I was when I was 33 is an understatement. It is also a pretty awesome and amazing thing. I am so proud of the person I am and the decisions I have made in my life. My life is pretty awesome and just keeps getting better.
I have been through a lot of loss over the past year. Loss makes a person reevaluate things, puts things into perspective, and makes you pay attention to what is going on around you. The first of my major losses was my marriage. As a result of my marriage ending, my sister turned her back on me and did not talk to me for over a year. She did not want to see me when my nephew was born. Things between us are still not resolved. It seems she is content to not talk about them. That does not work for me. The last major loss I suffered was the untimely death of my dad. My dad was my buddy. I love my dad very much. I miss him every single day and find so much comfort knowing he is watching over me because I see his signs every day.
Because I have endured so much loss, I embraced a whole new chapter of my life: getting back to my roots. I went back to the person I remembered being before I got married and before I became ChrisandCarol. I became Carol. She is just as awesome as I remember, just as fun, and as I mentioned getting better and better each day. The first major thing I did was get back to church. I was going to a church when I was married and found that it was not a match for me. Their values were much different and I was not getting any positive messages from the sermons. The church I go to now is awesome. I am involved in the Sunday School class and take notes during the sermons so I can review my notes when I make connections. I have begun daily Bible readings helping to get my mind right for the day and looking again for any connections I can make to the events going on in my life. The best resource I have found is Draw the Circle: 40 Day Prayer Challenge. I am going to begin it a third time after Easter.
One of the next things I did was slow way down. I literally stopped in my tracks the day my dad died. I immediately looked at where I was spending my time and what I was doing with my life. I was way too busy and way too on the go. I began to slow way down. I focused less and less on the clock and began paying more attention to who I was spending time with and what I was doing with my time. Trivial things no longer bothered me or got to me. I lost interest in trying to “fix” things with my sister and just let her be. I have learned that fixing any relationship takes two. One person cannot do all the work.
The most recent thing I have done to heal is take a class on mindfulness . This class has done the most amazing things for me. My eyes have been opened even more to patience, forgiveness, compassion, and moving forward: direction. I see my purpose as an educator and know where I want to go. I know I will get there in time. I know the steps I need to take and I am so grateful for all the experiences that led me to taking that class. It is just the beginning of a whole new, even more badass me. I love myself very much. I am stronger than I ever imagined I could be and I keep being empowered by the knowledge I gain. I get more clarity for my purpose every day and I am so excited where the future takes me. By starting this blog up again, I am going to journal my experiences of overcoming a tremendous amount of loss that would send most into a tailspin of destruction. Instead I chose to rise, thrive and climb. This is beginning of a pretty incredible ride. Thanks for joining me.