People say many positive things about my pups. I usually have very positive things to say about them. However; after having two nights of very little sleep, I am struggling to think nice thoughts about them.
“They are beautiful.”
-Well their shit is not. This is why I carry bags when I walk.
-Not so pretty at 3 AM when they whine.
“Wanna go for a walk?”
-This does not mean stop and sniff every blade of grass, pee at every corner, wrap yourself around a tree, lunge at every cat, squirrel, bunny or human.
“Wanna go for a ride?”
-This does not mean you get to drive. You need to sit in the backseat. Share, Emma.
“Wanna go outside?”
-I mean to pee not terroize the neighbor’s dogs and cats, not terriorize a bird, not get in the garden, not eat chicken shit or the compost, not roll in anything gross, and certainly not to stand on the deck and look pathetic until you are let back inside.
“They walk so nice on a leash.”
-Usually I come right out and tell people it is because they are beat. But, I guess I could say something like, “yeah that’s because I don’t wanna get drug all over town”, or better yet “You wanna try?”
“What good dogs!”
-That’s because they get beat.
“Wanna a treat?”
-I’d like my fingers please!
-You may not hoard the toys, share! Seriously, you are going to growl at me! Wanna go out on the curb?
-Not everyone you see mowing the lawn is the man you love. Stop running toward him!
-WTF did you smell in the corn earlier!? My arm was nearly ripped from the socket, for what? A cat? A fox, a dog, an elephant?